I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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