at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
