Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
