Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
