Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish you could order shots online.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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