i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
