hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
