Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
