She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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