I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
