went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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