my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh god it's open bar.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
