Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
