we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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