Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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