She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she pinky promised me she was 18
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
