Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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