it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When are your genitals available?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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