You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
zippers are such a cool invention
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
