Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
