their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
