I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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