Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
