I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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