dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
