I wish I could teleport
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We are all done wearing pants today
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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