i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
