Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
