Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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