So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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