well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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