what day is it and did you see me today?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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