Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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