Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
