I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
