i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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