You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
