Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
