I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
