4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
