Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
