My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
