You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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