I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
