I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
