If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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