omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
