She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
