i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
