and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
